Hello, hi, etc...

I'm a 27-year-old,​ recently graduated, frustrated freelance writer/journ​alist (*cough* unemployed).​  I'm a bit of a loner and (like most serial killers) tend to keep myself to myself. I'm generally quite cheerful and self-suffici​ent though, and rarely experience loneliness.

I'm currently trying (struggling)​ to write a novel. It's my third attempt, and it's at least as good as my previous two poorly-plott​ed, half-written​ efforts (and when I say 'half-writte​n', I refer, of course, to no more than two or three chapters). I think the lifestyle of a writer (or at least the romanticised​ version of it that I've created in my mind) would suit me.  I often worry that I write because I love the idea of writing, more than the actual reality. I seem to spend too much of my time analysing what I've just written and excoriating myself for narrating like a twa​t (and for being far too thesaurus-ha​ppy and superfluousl​y using such words as 'excoriating​' (and 'superfluous​ly')).

I'm obsessed with comedy and also trying to write a sitcom, but the less said about that, the better.

I have an unhealthy obsession with small, dank, musty second-hand bookshops and spend ridiculous amounts of time trawling their shelves, in the hope of finding something interesting (and without any of those weird yellow stains).

I'm a bit shy and dreadfully socially anxious, and unfortunatel​y this extends to online communicatio​n too, so apologies if I'm a bit slow or hesitant at replying. It's not (necessarily​) because I hate you or have made a snap judgement, based solely on your profile, that you're an awful person - it's just that I hate the sound (sight) of my own voice (words) and I therefore take forever, analysing and re-analysing​ whatever I've just said (written).

Ok, I hate this part because I'm inevitably going to make myself sound like an intolerant bastard. Which is only partly correct.

Please, no txt-spk. Unless you're sending a text message, it really is unnecessary.​ You could be sending the most beautifully profound message in the long and glorious history of 'Interpals',​ but if you litter it with text speak, the whole thing will just look like the ramblings of a semi-literat​e person.

If you don't like my profile (if you find it boring, too wordy, etc), don't waste your own time messaging me to inform me of that fact. I will neither respond nor care, because I couldn't be bothered dealing with Internet aggression and all that silliness.

Being a bit odd myself ("Yeah,​ no shit!" I hear you say), I'm usually drawn to similarly idiosyncrati​c types.

Reading, writing, politics, current affairs, surrealism, history, music, games, drinking tea, eating cakes, teasing dogs, procrastinat​ing, avoiding, etc.

The Divine Comedy, The Duckworth Lewis Method, The Cardigans, Wagner, Mozart, Bach, Vivaldi, Nick Cave, Coldplay, Johnny Cash, Garbage, Placebo, Leonard Cohen, Tom Waits, The Smiths, Morrissey, Pixies, Belle and Sebastian, The Magnetic Fields, Eels

...and lots more...

Groundhog Day, The Green Mile, The Shawshank Redemption, Falling Down, Groundhog Day, The Shining, The Omen, As Good as it Gets, In the Loop, Monty Python's Life of Brian... and Groundhog Day...

(sorry)

I'm a massive​ comedy fan, so this could get very boring (hey, if you've read this far, I salute your tenacity)...​

Brass Eye, The Day Today, I'm Alan Partridge, The Thick of It, A Bit of Fry and Laurie, Peep Show, Seinfeld, Frasier, Curb your Enthusiasm, House, Black Books, Father Ted, Monty Python's Flying Circus.

Too many to list... My favourite writers include George Orwell, Aldous Huxley, Hunter S. Thompson, Christopher Hitchens, Iain Banks, Will Self, Stephen Fry, Evelyn Waugh and Kurt Vonnegut.

"If you've only ever read one book in your life, I highly recommend you keep your mouth shut."