A friendly Scotsman with a great sense of humour who would like to make a long term friendship with one or more of you lovely lady's here on Interpals. Some have said my humour can sometimes be a little on the darkside but i am sure you can judge that for yourself...I​f you want to know anything else then you are just going to have to ask me...I won't bite you unless of course you ask me to and tell me where to bite ya but then again i may just nibble on ya...I do have a weakness though and that is for a woman in uniform hehehe...

I am looking to make long term females friends to chat with who are open minded, a good sense of humour is a must though!...As​ we get to know each other better our humour will expand and that you will be able to hold your own with me when i am being cheeky with ya lol... Would like you to be from the UK or US  but will make exceptions for those of you females outside of there that are able to make me laugh...So if you think you are up to the job why not stop by and try to make me smile, go on what ya got to lose ?...If you are just gonna write 2 or 3 emails then just pass on by and not waste both our times...

No Africans! I do not have any money to give you and no i will not help you get a visa to come to the UK either...So don't waste your time with me try someone else who has mug written across there forehead!!!.​..

I would love to participate in this but i am no good at talking with a fork tongue but i could try smoke signals if that is any good for ya lol...

I only talk with a Scottish accent which the English would say was a foreign language lol...

Would love to chase a tornado in tornado alley one day. If there are any tornado nuts out there in tornado alley who would like to give me the chance to chase a tornado plz feel free to invite me over as i am as daft as you are at wanting to chase one...I also have a  love of thunderstorm​s and have experienced them both here at home and over in NY, as you can imagine the US thunderstorm​s were much better...

I love listening to music, like to read and write and also watch movies... Sorry to saythough  lady's that i also have a  love of football and that i a Liverpool and Saint Mirren (my local team) fan... Also like to watch American Football and i follow the Miami Dolphins...

I will listen to any kind of music apart from  Rap & Country...Qu​een being my fave band although i also like listening to other new and old bands such as Nickleback, Alanis Moressette, Rammstein, Evanesence, Within Temptation, Black Sabbath, Rollin Stones, Avril lavigne, No Doubt, Bif Naked, Kiss, The Poilce and Dido to name but just a few...

My favourite movies would have to be Braveheart and The Highlander movies with me being Scottish an all...I also like the movies Twister, Rob Roy and X~Files...Li​ke alot of people i also enjoyed watching the Da Vinci Code, Blade, Van Helsing and the Harry Potter movies to name but a few...

Comedies are a favourite of mine as are some of the American shows like Rescue Me, NYPD Blue, Bones and Cold Case...I also like sci fi shows like Stargate Atlantis, Star Trek, Generations,​ Voyager, Deep Space Nine, Enterprise, X~Files and Stargate SG1...Even though they are now finished i still like watching the repeats (sad i know lol)...

Being a Sci-Fantasy fan i would have to say my favourite books would  be Dragonlance.​..Most of them are written by Weis & Hickman but there are many writers of these books....

Octopus walks into a bar in Scotland and says “I bet I can play any musical instrument” One bloke gives him a guitar which he plays better than Jimmy Hendrix...A second bloke says “A bet you can't play the piano” The octopus plays the piano better than Elton John...Jock gives him bagpipes, the octopus fumbles for a minute and looks confused...J​ock says “Ha, yae canae play it can yae? Octopus says “Play it ? “I'm going to shag  it as soon as I get its Fcukin pyjamas off”...

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse...Sud​denly she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen and walked over to inspect it...As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery an unexpected little fart escaped...Em​barrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a salesperson hadn't been near...But, as she turned back, there, standing next to her, was a salesman...W​ith a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day Madame, how may we help you today?"​ Trying to maintain an air of sophisticati​on and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"​ Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame​, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted simply from touching it, you're going to s h i t when you hear the price".​..

A man went to the urologist and told him he was having a problem; he was unable to get his penis erect...The doctor told him that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a previous viral infection and that there was nothing he could actually do for him...Howeve​r he knew of an experimental​ treatment that might work if he was willing to take the risk...The treatment consisted of implanting muscle from an elephant’s trunk into the man’s penis...The man thought about it for a while...The thought of going through life without ever experiencing​ sex again was to much for him to bear...So with the assurance that there was no cruelty or adverse effect on the elephant, the man decided to go for it...A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go try his newly renovated equipment...​As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town... However, in the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being extremely painful...To​ release the pressure he unzipped his flies and his penis immediately sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his trousers...H​is girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly smile on her face said, “That was incredible! Can you do it again?”  With his eyes watering, he replied “I think I can, but I’m not sure I can fit another bread roll up my arse.”...

A blonde bird rings the fire-brigade​ and says "my house is on fire" so they ask her "how do we get there"?​ she says " HELLOOOO in the fcuking red truck...

A mouse found a Viagra lying on the floor and ate it...10 minutes later he was strutting around shouting, ”Where’s the fcuking pussy now eh!”

After great sex my Thai girlfriend lies stroking my penis...“Do you want more sex?” I asked...“No”​ She replied...“I​ am just admiring your c o c k cause I really miss mine!”...

Sex is like a petrol station sometimes you get a full service, sometimes its out of service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with, self service!...

And your bulls h i t opinion would be ?...
I'm sorry, my fault...i forgot you were an idiot...
I'm smiling...th​at alone should scare you!...
I see your playing stupid again...look​s like your winning too...
Please pick a number and then stick it up your a s s!...
I do whatever the little voices tell me to do lol...
Whoop-dee f u c k i n g-do!...
Amazingly enough i don't give a s h i t...
Well aren't we just a ray of f u c k i n g sunshine!...​
"Gonna no dae that?" "How?"​ "Just gonna no dae that!".​..
"There'​s joose loose aboot this hoose".​..
"As bloody if"...
"In your dreams mate"..​.
"Come to the dark side, i have cookies"​...
"Who rattled your cage?"..."​The same guy that built your kennel"​.....
"At least i can diet, what can you do with that ugly face of yours".​..
"That's​ another fine mess you've gotten me into Stanley!"​ (Oliver Hardy)...
"The truth is out there" (Fox Mulder)...
"Thank you very kindly"​ (Constable Benton Fraser from Due South)...
"Yae canny fight the laws a physics!"​ (Mr Scott from Star Trek)...
"Well shut ma mouth and call me Charlie"​ ( I said that, but my name is not Charlie lol)...