Instruction​s for my profile:

1. Skim-read the sections. (Important bits are in bold)
   
2. Look at photographs.​ Comment on ones you like.
   
3. Compliment me (my ego needs stroking regularly).
   
4. If you like what you see on here, think of something personal to message me with. Then message me.
   
5. Get to know me better.
   
6. Read my profile thoroughly to save you time asking questions.
   
7. Ask questions anyway.
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On the other hand you can leave a comment saying just "Hi"​ or "how are you" on my wall. Just don't expect a reply.

I'm British. If you believe all the stereotypes then this is how I can be described:
I drink a lot, I get violent a lot, I'll have sex with anything with two legs, I talk about the weather a lot, I talk about football even more, I love my favourite team more than my own mum, I have bad teeth, I'm shit in the bedroom, I spend my life 'down the pub,' and I never miss my afternoon tea and scones/crump​ets.
None of this is true... well, none except the first one. Plus I have a dead sexy accent :P

I'm a scorpio and was born in the chinese year of the snake. This means: if you try to get near me from the front, i'll bite, if you try to get near me from behind, i'll sting. Your choice.

I'm apparently only half British. The other half of me is Danish, but there's a little bit of Spanish and Polish mixed in somewhere. As much as I'd love to learn the Danish language, I swear it's impossible to understand a damn thing they're saying? :P

And about the whole gay thing - I'm not.​ That doesn't mean I don't want to chat to guys as well, I just want to chat to guys without the whole flirty flirty thing.

So what am I like? I'll skip the usual 'nice' and 'friendly' descriptions​. If you're good to me ill treat you well, just don't be a dickhead or I will eat you.​ I'm open minded and try not to be judgemental of people, although just like everyone else I can't help but make judgements, human nature and all. Live and let live is one of my mottoes in life. I'm fiercely independent but I love good, close company. I like to be a bit different but I believe trying to be unique is pointless, because whatever you do, someone else has done it already. I believe that the more you know, the more you realise you don't know. I love travelling and I've probably been to your country. If I haven't, I probably will. I love music. I've probably seen one of your favourite bands live. I'd like to experience life in all its forms, and talk to people from all walks of life and all parts of the world to broaden my own horizons. Anyone who can challenge my own perspective on life, message me.​

Say something least vaguely interesting and I might feel inclined to respond.​ "Hi, how are you" won't get a response unless you're Joss Stone or a member of The Prodigy. Simple as. I'm also very selective about who I accept on my friends list so don't expect me to say yes if I've never written to you.
If I don't reply it's either because I have nothing to say or I'm just too lazy - don't take it personally​
Also I have a request to the men on this site - if you're going to be a pervert, make it less obvious. You're giving the rest of the men here a bad name.
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I'd love to learn Russian and/or Danish, but I'll probably never do it cause I'm too damn lazy. I'd also like to improve my French because it's shockingly bad.

You really can't beat good banter, so that's one of my primary interests, definitely, as well as food (cooking and eating it) and traveling. I'm a massive fan of cooking and I'm keen to learn some tasty foreign recipes (let's face it, british food isn't exactly world famous for being delicious). If you can give me some recipes or tips (my Pad Thai recipe is still a work in progress) I'd really appreciate it. Other interests include drinking vast amounts of booze when the oppurtunity arises, listening to obscure and niche music genres that common people balk at, getting on my bike and cutting up traffic on main roads to piss people off. Getting to know interesting people from any corner of the world, and listening to all your life stories. No joke, I really do give a shite about those little things that make people tick, it's different for each of us and that's what's great.

cheesy 90's eurodance tunes, that song by bob sinclair with the whistling, drum n' bass which actually mostly consists of pendulum and kosheen, out in the fields by gary moore (but not the music video), that david morales remix of space cowboy by jamiroquai, most power metal, symphonic metal, classic metal etc. etc. except the death stuff since i'm not really into the whole satan thing. classic rock. anything i can dance to.
Favourite songs at the moment:

Still Alive - Lisa Miskovsky
Bat Country - Avenged Sevenfold
Warrior Dance - The Prodigy
I'm Not Alone - Pendulum (Calvin Harris Remix)
Mysterious Times - Sash
Misery Business - Paramore
Quutamo - Apocalyptica​
Porcelain - Moby

Shaun of the Dead
Team America
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
Brüno
American Beauty
American History X
Football Factory
Fight Club
Batman: The Dark Knight
Leon
Shawshank Redemption
Pulp Fiction
Inglorious Basterds
Lord of the Rings trilogy
Pirates of the Carribbean
Blood Diamond
Ali G Indahouse
Jurassic Park
A Clockwork Orange
Full Metal Jacket
Dr Strangelove or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Enemy at the Gates
Quadrophenia​
The Last King of Scotland
Serenity
La Haine
Брат (The Brother)
バトル・ロワイアル (Battle Royale)

House M.D.
Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe/N​ewswipe
Big Train
South Park
The Inbetweeners​

Timeline - Micheal Crichton
Being Human - Peter Vardy
In Stitches - Dr Nick Edwards
A Child Called 'It' - David Pelzer
Wall and Piece - Banksy
Nineteen Eighty-Four - George Orwell
Hitchhiker's​ Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

IF YOU MANAGED TO READ THIS FAR... DAMN, WELL DONE!

"A lot of people never use their initiative because no-one told them to."

"If you truly believe you need to pick a mobile phone that 'says something' about your personality,​ don't bother. You don't have a personality.​ A mental illness, maybe - but not a personality."​

"In matters of style, swim with the flow. In matters of principle, stand like a rock."

"Some people say life is like a box of chocolates. I think it's more like a bowl of chillies: what you eat one day will burn your arse the next"