I am a dynamic creature of the midwest, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winnin​g operas, and I manage time efficiently.​ Occasionally​, I tread water for three days in a row. At 4, I cook Thirty-Minut​e Brownies in 20 minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. (u never heard of me, got it) lol!! Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-hande​dly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentarie​s. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-​force demonstratio​n. I bat .400. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket.​ I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep standing up. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully​ negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I guide cruise-ships​ into port with a 13foot Johnboat and one oar. I have sailed the seven seas, stormed the beaches and surfed a white squall. Every Sunday night at midnight, just for kicks, I send a telepathic electronic beacon to Big Ben to synchronize the world’s clocks with the internal chronometer in my brain. At the National Science Fair, I re-created the rings of Saturn with a box of rice crispies, Tabasco sauce, and some extra virgin olive oil. I can burp the Star Spangled Banner. I taught Spock the Vulcan Mind Meld and I can shoot the tail feather off a hummingbird with .22 caliber pistol at a distance of 2.3 miles. I can slam dance, tap dance and break dance while simultaneous​ly whistling Dixie and Beethoven's 5th symphony. I am Secret Agent 006. Last night I made a gourmet meal fit for kings out of a can of beets, some pepper spray, and a fresh road-killed platypus. After an avalanche in the Himalayas I saved a Tibetan High Priest from certain death by performing a brain transplant using a frozen yak, a Swiss army knife and roll of Saran wrap.(learne​d it in MAXIM mag.) My meditation skills are so refined I am an honorary B.S. instructor . I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact​ origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinar​y four-course meals using only a Mouli and a toaster oven.I have performed several covert operations with the CIA I breed prizewinning​ clams. I have won bullfighting​ cliff-diving​ competitions​ in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis

Smashing Pumpkins, Modest Mouse, 311, At the Drive In, The Doors, Queen, Nirvana, Silverchair,​ Green Day, Sublime, Beatles, Interpol, Hum, Toadies, Kings of leon, Chevelle, Lamb of God, Eagles of Death Metal, Queens of the Stone Age, Tool, Rage Against The Macine, NIN, Rob Zombie, Perfect Circle, Slipknot, Shadows Fall, Mastadon, Beck, Dead Kennedys, Conway Twitty, Toby Keith, Keith Urban, Ted Nugent, Bad Boy Bill, Prodigy, Crystal Method, Chemical Brothers, Dust Brothers, Pantera, Down, Kyuss, Ministry, Lords of Acid, KMFDM, MDFMK, Rammstein, Planet Arsenal, Rancid, Black Flag, Misfits, Meat Beat Manifesto, The Cult, Black Sabbath, Johnny Cash, Dierks Bentley, Kenny Chesney, George Strait, Vince Gill, Keith Whitley, Patsy Cline, Randy Travis, Muddy Waters, Bessi Smith, Marc Broussard, Louis Armstrong, John Coltrane, Miles Davis, Duke Ellington,
AND A LOT MORE!

Ladder49, Backdraft, Forest Gump, Legends of the Fall, Eternal Sunshine, Garden State, Pulp Fiction, The Doors, Super Troopers, Shaun of the Dead, Domino, Boondock Saints, Snatch, Gladiator, 300, Underworld, Lord of the Rings, The Lost Boys, Blow, Goodfellas, Fight Club, Army of Darkness, Apocalypse Now, Unforgiven, Cool Hand Luke, Rocky, Easy Rider,

Bible..
chuck palahniuk
stephen king
Dean Koontz
Ton Clancy
Bret Easton Ellis
J.R.R. Tolkien
C. S. Lewis
Nathan Province
Douglas Preston
Robert McCammon
Jeffery Deaver
Steve Perry
Jeff Rovin

"The pusuit of Truth & Beauty
is a sphere of activity in which
we are permited to remain Children all our lives."​ Albert Einstein