My older sister, Nicole, finally had her baby on Sunday. So I spent most of my day off at the hospital,but​ I was just glad that everything was fine. He is so cute.... I love him already. I feel weird being an Aunt... i feel so young,but I have known kids about 10 who were aunts or uncles.

So now i'm the only girl who doesn't have a kid and I think it is going to stay that way for awhile. Way too young for that responsibili​ty. Things just seem weird now.... Why do I feel so behind on life?

Most of my friends are either engaged, married or already having kids and it's just weird to me... and most of them are in school or just graduated college and it's crazy. I really need to get cracking on that school stuff and get a decent job and make a decent living. I don't like feeling behind on life.but I need to stop and enjoy myself too right?

My hours at work are slowly being cut and I want to try to find something else,but jobs are scarce at the moment,but I am still going to be looking.

Anyways... thats it. so yay..

Weekend wasn't that super exciting. It was decent maybe?

Went to some cookoutish thing for my sister (the prego one) which was alright. Got to see some awesome people and lots of loling was had by all who attended.

Worked all weekend and won't be off til Tuesday.
Still need to get ahold of the police department about my ticket.
I owe my mom 30 more bucks towards my car insurance.

Uhhh this sounds so boring :/

I was reading my last posted dated December of last year. Man... have things changed since then. Really don't know if anyone is going to read what I have to say (type?) but I just feel like pouring stuff out for my own amusement and since I don't know what else to do with the rest of my day off.

Since my last post a lot of stuff has changed.

A lot of the family stuff was about both of my sisters being pregnant at the same time (not that having a kid is bad) I was just worried about them because they were and kind of still are... strugglin financially.​ My youngest sister, Brittany (19), already had her baby (3 months June 23rd) with her boyfriend...​ he's 45 by the way. That was a big deal and added a lot of stress...it killed my mother. Since then things have been better though... a baby really does bring people closer. Roe (the older man lol) he's a pretty nice guy and I know he loves my sister...and​ she loves him and I get along with him a lot better now. Sometimes though... he tries to give me advice on dating or something of the sort,but I don't really listen to it because I don't feel that I will benefit from his..suggest​ions of who and what I should date lol.

My older sister, Nicole,(24) is actually due in the middle of July. Things seem to be doing a lot better for her and Jason (my bro-in-law),​but they are really stressed out about daycare..the​y can't afford the cheapest one and that is something I was worried about...I offered to help her take care of him on my days off and all,but I just hope things get better for them.
Years ago I got along great with Jason,but then we went years where I couldn't stand him...but now I love him to death and we get along.

Daniel and I broke up (well I did) back in April. It was very hard for me to do,but I really needed to. Things had been bad for a long time and I went through a lot of stuff I shouldn't (no one should) have gone through. The last thing he said to me and he was in tears, "How could you do this to ME?" and I couldn't really believe he said that. It was more like.. how could you do all that you did to me and still say you love me? Surprisingly​ I got over it fast,but I think it was because I had been slowly losing my love for him months before.

Well then weeks later I met up with my friend who I hadn't seen in years,but we always stayed in touch through the internet and messaging. He was someone I had been into before Daniel,but things didn't work out then. Old feelings hit me like that and so we tried it out... and things went too fast and I had to stop because it wasn't like me to rush into things like that... this messed things up with this friend and it kills me to know that things won't be the same anymore. We try... I try to talk to him,but he doesn't try back..you know? It sucks and I hope that things can go back to "good friends"​ again. I confided in this guy so much.. I miss my friend.

Not to mention I have no dating experience what so ever. Daniel was my first real relationship​ and then Matt was like 2 weeks,but we never really... went out and did anything... It worries me a little. Here I am 21 and I don't even know what the hell to do.... I'll figure it out...right?​

Since I broke things off with Daniel I have been a lot better I have to admit.
I am a lot happier... I mean I was happy,but I feel like I can be more of "myself"​ instead of a watered down version of myself like when i was with him... I paused myself when we dated and conformed for his convenience I guess. I failed a lot and was told he resented me and I was a disappointme​nt. When I was with him at first things were really great,but then the nice words and the happy shit turned into him picking me apart and telling me to stop being this or that... to stop being me. So I did to please him and I couldn't even do that all the way.

I held it in for so long.. all the cruel things he said and did to me.. I didn't complain... i cried of course and he told me I was weak for that,but then one day I just snapped and I went bitch on him for the longest time. I resented him for hurting me and I resented myself for letting him do that to me.

It was a really big step for me to finally break things off... everyone I knew was pretty much like, "About damn time, Jen!" and it made me feel good that people really cared like that. I was surprised when a few people told me they noticed a change in me... a good change. They said they could tell I was genuinely "happy"​  and that my whole attitude had changed... I mean I wasn't mean or anything... I didn't seem stressed out anymore and that I seemed more like the old me... which was nice to hear... I liked the old me.. to a certain extent.

People think I seem more "confident"​ and I don't really know if that is the right word. I am a chatterbox,b​ut I felt like I couldn't talk to certain people when I was with Daniel..or that I couldn't talk as freely. So maybe people take that as me being more confident?

I do feel better about myself and I don't stress as much about "me"​ anymore. I still have insecurities​ and good luck talking me out of feeling like that... maybe one day i'll think highly of myself. One thing I know... I don't deserve a shit bag like that as a loverrr. So yeah... take that! <_<;

Finally got a car and it's still in one piece lol. I did...get a speeding ticket for the first time the other day >_<; yeah that sucked,but you live you learn and then you get....luvs?​ maybe if they make it in jumbo size lol.

I might be a little more bold than I use to be.. I have more guts to say or do things it seems like...don't​ know if thats good or not...ah well.

So yeah... there you go. Now this will sit in interpals and rotttttt...l​ol

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