I am a friendly Scotsman with a great sense of humour, some say its a kind of dark sense of humour that i have, but i am sure you can judge that for yourself... I don't bite unless of course you ask me to and tell me where to bite ya or atleast nibble on ya hehehe... I do have a weakness though and that is for a woman in uniform hehehe...

I am married for those of you who want to know, but don't let it put you off chatting to me... I also have 3 kids, my eldest has a 1 yr old daughter and my middle kid is due a baby boy at the end of June... Hopefully my youngest will keep the lead in his pencil for some time to come lol... If there is anything else you wanna know then just ask me cause i am better at answering questions that talking about myself...

Can i just say that i think the new Interpals sucks, why have you taken away the ages of people that we used to be able to see when we ran our cursor over the pics of other members ?????...

Yes i have had a few requests, a few of them rather kinky, some i might be up for and some i would really  have to think about hehehe... But if you can come up with one that we can both do then plz feel free to ask me;)...

I am looking for long term females friends to chat with who are open minded, a good sense of humour is a must though!... As we get to know each other better our humour will expand and that you will be able to hold your own with me when i am being cheeky with ya lol... By that i don't mean a slagging match either lol... Would like you to be from the UK or US  but will make exceptions for those of you females outside the UK & US that can make me laugh...

So if you think you are up to the job why not stop by and tryto make me smile, go on what ya got to lose ?... If you are just gonna write 2 or 3 emails then just pass on by and not waste both our times...

No Africans! I do not have any money to give you and no i will not help you get a visa to come to the UK either... So don't waste your time with me try someone else who has mug written across there forehead!!!.​..

I would love to participate in this but i am no good at talking with a fork tongue but i could try smoke signals if that is any good for ya lol...

I only talk with a Scottish accent which the English would say was a foriegn language lol...

Having experienced a 5.2 earthquake when i was on holiday just outside New York back in 2002 i would now like to experience chasing a tornado in tornado alley one day soon... If there are any tornado nuts out there in tornado alley who would like to give me the chance to chase a tornado plz feel free to invite me over as i am as daft as you are at wanting to chase one... As with tornados I also have a  love thunderstorm​s and have experienced them both here at home and over in New York, as you may have guessed the US thunderstorm​s were much better...

I love listening to music, like to read and write and also watch movies... I have a new border collie puppy who is keeping me on my toes... Her name is Sky and she is so cute, well i think so anyways but then again i am just being bias lol...

Sorry to say lady's that i have a  love of football and i am a Liverpool and Saint Mirren (my local team) fan... Also like to watch American Football and i follow the Miami Dolphins...

I will listen to any kind of music apart from  Rap & Country... Queen are still my fave band although i also like listening to other new and old bands such as Nickleback, Alanis Moressette, Rammstein, Evanesence, Within Temptation, Black Sabbath, Rollin Stones, Avril lavigne, No Doubt, Bif Naked, Kiss, The Poilce and Dido to name but just a few...

I will watch most kinds of movies from musicals to war and science fiction... My favourite movies would have to be Braveheart and The Highlander movies with me being Scottish an all... I also like the movies Twister and X~Files... I hear they are making a 2nd X~Files movie, excellent!..​. I have an extensive collection of movies on dvd which has now grown to over 400 movies so i am never at a loss for something to watch... Like alot of people i also enjoyed watching the Da Vinci Code, Blade, Van Helsing and the Harry Potter movies to name but a few........

Like with movies i will watch all different kinds of television shows when i have time to... Comedies are a favourite of mine as are some of the  American shows like Rescue Me, NYPD Blue, Bones and Cold Case... I also like sci fi shows like Stargate Atlantis, Star Trek, Generations,​ Voyager, Deep Space Nine, Enterprise, X~Files and Stargate SG1... Even though the X-Files, Star Treks and SG1 are now finished i still like watching the repeats (sad i know lol)... Do any of you remember the show M.A.S.H. ?...

I also liked watching Friends and given the chance like all the other red blooded men on this planet i would love to do Jennifer Aniston mmm....

Being a Sci-Fantasy fan i would have to say my favourite books would  be Dragonlance.​.. Most of them are written by Weis & Hickman but there are many writers of these books....

Octopus walks into a bar in Scotland and says “I bet I can play any musical instrument” One bloke gives him a guitar which he plays better than Jimmy Hendrix... A second bloke says “A bet you can't play the piano” The octopus plays the piano better than Elton John... Jock gives him bagpipes, the octopus fumbles for a minute and looks confused... Jock says “Ha, yae canae play it can yae? Octopus says “Play it ? “I'm going to shag  it as soon as I get its Fcukin pyjamas off”...

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse... Suddenly she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen and walked over to inspect it... As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped... Embarrassed,​ she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a salesperson hadn't been near... But, as she turned back, there, standing next to her, was a salesman... With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day Madame, how may we help you today?"​ Trying to maintain an air of sophisticati​on and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"​ Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame​, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted simply from touching it, you're going to s h i t when you hear the price".​..

A man went to the urologist and told him he was having a problem; he was unable to get his penis erect... The doctor told him that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a previous viral infection and that there was nothing he could actually do for him... However he knew of an experimental​ treatment that might work if he was willing to take the risk... The treatment consisted of implanting muscle from an elephant’s trunk into the man’s penis... The man thought about it for a while... The thought of going through life without ever experiencing​ sex again was to much for him to bear... So with the assurance that there was no cruelty or adverse effect on the elephant, the man decided to go for it... A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go try his newly renovated equipment...​ As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town... However, in the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being extremely painful... To release the pressure he unzipped his flies and his penis immediately sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his trousers... His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly smile on her face said, “That was incredible! Can you do it again?”  With his eyes watering, he replied “I think I can, but I’m not sure I can fit another bread roll up my arse.”...

A blonde bird rings the fire-brigade​ and says "my house is on fire" so they ask her "how do we get there"?​ she says " HELOOOOOO in the fcuking red truck...

A mouse found a Viagra lying on the floor and ate it... 10 minutes later he was strutting around shouting, ”Where’s the fcuking pussy now eh!”
After great sex my Thai girlfriend lies stroking my penis... “Do you want more sex?” I asked... “No” She replied... “I am just admiring your c o c k cause I really miss mine!”...

Sex is like a petrol station sometimes you get a full service, sometimes its out of service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with,
SELF SERVICE!!!..​.

"Gonna no dae that?" "How?"​ "Just gonna no dae that!".​..
"Awaybileyerheed"​...
"There'​s joose loose aboot this hoose".​..
"Och see you jimmy!"​...
"Ya awright hen?"..​. 
"Ya wee bassa!"​...
"Whut the fcuk!".​..
"O M G"...
"Ya don't say"...​.
"As bloody if"....​
"In your dreams mate"..​.
"Come to the dark side, i have cookies"​...
"Who rattled your cage?".​..
"Atleas​t i can diet, what can you do with that ugly face of yours".​..
"That's​ another fine mess you've gotten me into Stanley!"​ (Oliver Hardy)...
"The truth is out there" (Fox Mulder)...
"Thank you very kindly"​ (Constable Benton Fraser from Due South)...
"Yae canny fight the laws a physics!"​ (Mr Scott from Star Trek)...
"Well shut ma mouth and call me Charlie"​ ( I said that, but my name is not Charlie lol)...
"Come on yee Scotland!!!"​...