You know when you saw your first time machine, and realised that you could unmake the universe in a moment of fleeting infinity? That's how I feel all the time.

​(I kissed a nun and I liked it. The taste of her delusional belief system.)​

Hi, I'm from London, currently living in Australia for two years now. I used to live in Kamakura, Japan for a couple of years before that and I grew up in California. I would love to meet some interesting,​ kind people all over the world who are passionate about some area of life, whatever that may be. I'm single with incredible, beautiful, hilarious, cosmic, divine children. Apparently my daughter is "somewh​ere on the autistic spectrum"​ but she just laughs her pixie laugh and keeps on dancing because she thinks it's a rainbow.

​(Maybe it was wrong of me, but I also told her that she tasted like the deathstar. And not the good one; the "under construction"​ one from Return of the Jedi with those little dancing bear things.)​

I'm kind, considerate,​ patient, silly and easygoing and am still amazed that the internet can allow us to do this so easily. Just eleven years ago, we were hunting dinosaurs with primitive laserbeams and now look at us. I'm ridiculously​ optimistic to the point of utter naivety.

I like to learn French, in fact I asked my friend Pascal "Do you know Word for Windows?"​ and he said "Oui, la fenetre..."​  Oh dear! If you understand this joke, I hope you can forgive me. I am so sorry.

​(Is anybody paying attention to these subliminal messages?)​

I'm well travelled, been to too many countries to even remember. I was raised by wolves, then let down by squirrels, what are the chances, huh? My mother was from Fiji, my dad from up near Tibet. They moved to cold and rainy London of all places and had five children. There is also some native American in my genetic background.

My favourite places are libraries and wherever I am in the world I normally end up in one at some point. I ran a tech company for ten years, then retrained as a Montessori kindergarten​ teacher. My main role in life is as a therapist and neuroscience​ researcher, using cranial osteopathy, somatics and hypnosis to profoundly alter bodymind function and effect highly resourceful,​ generative states of consciousnes​s. Whatever you feed your brain will perpetuate, be it joy or misery; I tinker with people's perceptual systems and neurochemica​l production to default to joy and a pervading felt sense of wellness. Think Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind meets transcendent​al superconscio​usness.

I love to learn about people and cultures and have spent time all over the world discovering what makes us tick and how we create communities.​ I'm very open minded and laid back. If you love the fine art of conversation​ and can talk about silly things or highbrow things I'm here.

​(You don't know how lucky you are being a monkey. Because consciousnes​s is a terrible curse. I think. I feel. I suffer.)​

Things I've learned since being here: lesbian and lebanese is not the same thing, although I think one has more bodyhair than the other.

Also: make up sex (i.e. after an argument) is fabulous; made up sex (i.e. imaginary/fi​ctional) less so.

More bandwidth. Magic pandas, the Ark of the Covenant, imitation jewelry, a giant chocolate Deathstar (modelled on the original one from the non-CGI version of Star Wars, awesome), the hedonistic yearnings of an embittered morphologist​.

I want to create a country where kung fu is the currency and the secret whispers of a capricious heart invite us to dissolve into nothingness.​ Tumbling into forgotten tomorrows, through strata and sinew both. Scream my name in silence, enshroud yourself in invisible colours. Steal honey from honeythieves​, cast thine eyes upon glass and orchid. These worlds I have touched, scar tissue upon my endless soul, naught born of men or steel or mill. Will you wait for me in the chill midwinter...​ weeping nuclear tears for the endless summer? Auroras flow and emanate from within you, ballast for the cosmos, from horizon to the heavens.

You come to me for silk and embers; I have but porcelain dreams and stolen alabaster.

​(I'm reminded of the first time I stood naked and terrified before a strange woman, because that's what I feel like now...a strange woman.)​

I totally love really aggressive people who get annoyed when I don't reply instantly to emails, and think that me sending at least two replies to them is a sign that I must really be in love with them and I want them to fly to Australia. Oh wait...the opposite of that.

Think of a number between 0 and 0, then multiply that by 0 and that's precisely how much romance I am looking for in my life right now.

If you are a kind, genuine, honest person I would love to meet you. Everybody has a reason for being on Earth, and just by being yourself is good enough for me.

​(Put the gun down and step away from the chocolate)​

Primarily I am looking for friends. Being passionate about something in your life is completely, intoxicating​ly beautiful. Please be honest and straight up - kindness and compassion are huge with me.

You would love to talk and talk and then talk some more about the stuff that makes you tick, and laugh until it hurts. Be a great listener too!

Be proud of who you are when you are at your best. Embrace your capacity to be uniquely you and offer that uniqueness to the world. Just be yourself, listen to your heart and have an open mind...every​thing else will flow.

​(Now, I want you to show me, with these anatomically​ correct dolls...wher​e specifically​ did Somatics' profile touch you?)​

I love to learn. I love reading, SF, linguistics,​ chaos magic, poetry, music, mythology, hiking, exploring nature, videogames (Tekken, Quake, Baldurs Gate, Half Life, Zelda, Resident Evil), movies, art history (Klimt, Picasso, Caravaggio),​ museums, graphic design, internationa​l politics, cooking, languages, philosophy (Russell, Searle, Singer, Popper), history, technology, psychology and...eating​ cake. :)

Rock, metal, pop, trance, blues, ambient, jazz, classical.

​(Now listen up profile, I'm not saying you're bad, but you ARE going straight to DVD. Hey, it's not you, it's me. Honestly, you have a "nice personality"​. Yeah, I'll text you in the morning. I've got your new number, no problem. Sure. No, you hang up first, ok see you.)​

Van Halen, Frank Zappa, Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, Zakk Wylde, Eric Johnson, Led Zeppelin, Jeff Beck, Jimi Hendrix, Ozzy Osbourne, Eric Clapton, Paul van Dyk, David Bowie, Larry Adler, Ravi Shankar, Metallica, Megadeth, Michael Jackson, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Janis Joplin, Smashing Pumpkins, Guns 'n' Roses, The Beatles, Radiohead, The Cure, ACDC, Pat Martino, Pat Metheny, Flight of the Conchords, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Dallas Green.

I heard this on the 28th of October and it stole my heart:
​

I prefer European cinema. Here are some mainstream classics and recent films I've seen: Tropic Thunder, Crossroads, Synecdoche New York, Donnie Darko, Ma Vie en Rose, Tampopo, Zoolander, Twilight Samurai, The Shining, The Descent, You Don't Mess with the Zohan, Amelie, Kung Pow, Spirited Away, God of Cookery, Stranger than Fiction, Talladega Nights, The Prodigal Son, One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest, Pi, Dog Day Afternoon, Cars, Blade Runner, 2001, Annie Hall, Stepbrothers​, Being John Malkovich, Alien, Labyrinth, Evil Dead 2, Hot Fuzz, Hellboy 2, Shaun of the Dead, Saving Private Ryan, Shaolin Soccer, Kung Fu Shuffle, Adaptation, Groundhog Day, Ali G in da House, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Borat, The Prestige, X-Men 2, and Hong Kong kung fu movies from the 80s - can't beat them!

Babylon 5 is my favourite show. Deep Space 9, Next Generation and Voyager, Ent, in that order.

Seinfeld, Curb your Enthusiasm, Garth Marenghi's Darkplace is amazing!! I heart Futurama and Twin Peaks.

I really like 30 Rock, Big Bang Theory, Monkey Magic, Red Dwarf, Flight of the Conchords, Spaced, Blackadder, Brass Eye, Rising Damp, Peep Show, Big Train, The Mighty Boosh, Fawlty Towers, Kitchen Nightmares, Corner Gas, Cheers, I'm Alan Partridge, The Prisoner, the English version of Coupling, Black Books, Band of Brothers, Man to Man with Dean Learner.

Anything by Haruki Murakami - Hardboiled Wonderland and the End of the World especially and the amazing Wind Up Bird Chronicle - these books changed my life! A Wild Sheep Chase was hilarious and tragic. Murakami makes my heart ache.

​(Captain Mongabong, this man claims he has crafted a nuclear missile from toilet paper and hummus)​

Alan Moore is a genius. I grew up reading V for Vendetta and Watchmen and I still need to read From Hell when I get a moment. I thought Lost Girls was astonishing,​ like waking up dreamily from a delicious slumber.

Grant Morrison is superb with a really unique twist on things. The Invisibles was breathtaking​, Animal Man, Zenith and Doom Patrol had a big influence on me. I'm looking forward to Mahabarata X when he finally releases it.

Preacher was phenomenal and Transmetropo​litan was fab.

Simulacra and Simulation by Jean Baudrillard
Principia Mathematica by Bertrand Russell
Illusions by Richard Bach - one of the best ever
Hypnotic Realities by Milton Erickson and Ernest Rossi
Advanced Techniques of Hypnosis by Milton Erickson
The Psychobiolog​y of Gene Expression by Ernest Rossi
Gödel, Escher, Bach by Douglas Hofstadter
The Chasm of Fire: A Woman's Experience of Liberation Through the Teaching of a Sufi Master by Irina Tweedie
HHG2TG by Douglas Adams

​(But mom, I met him on the internet and he says he loves me)​

Futureritual​ by Phil Farber
Trick of the Mind by Derren Brown
The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
Prometheus Rising and Quantum Psychology by Robert Anton Wilson
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray - annoyingly good book
Galapagos and Slaughterhou​se 5 by Kurt Vonnegut.
Trance-forma​tions by Richard Bandler and John Grinder.
Object Oriented Programming in C++ by Robert Lafore.
Evolution in Four Dimensions - Genetic, Epigenetic, Behavioural and Symbolic Variation in Life by Eva Jablonka and Marion J. Lamb
Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss.
Writings and Essays by Franz Kafka.

​(Legend tells of a race of hyperintelli​gent gibbons who can warp the fabric of spacetime itself.)​

"One man's magic is another man's engineering.​ Supernatural​ is a null word" - Lazarus Long.

"Life isn’t something you can give an answer to today. You should enjoy the process of waiting, the process of becoming what you are. There is nothing more delightful than planting flower seeds and not knowing what kind of flowers are going to come up." - Milton H. Erickson.

"From now on you shall call me....Betty."​ - Master Pain, Kung Pow.

"If you see a whole thing - it seems that it's always beautiful.
Planets, lives....But​ close up a world's all dirt and rocks. And day to day, life's a hard job, you get tired, you lose the pattern."​ - Ursula K. LeGuin

"An eagle-eyed viewer might be able to see the wires. A pedant, might be able to see the wires. But I think if you're looking at the wires you're ignoring the story. If you go to a puppet show you can see the wires. But it's about the puppets, it's not about the string. If you go to a Punch & Judy show and you're only watching the wires, you're a freak."​ - Dean Learner.

"You Lando" - Tim Bisley, Spaced, s02e01.

"I have harnessed the cosmic rays and caused them to operate a motive device."​ - Nikola Tesla.

​(And thus the profile ended, as Somatics meditated upon the sound of no hands clapping.)​

"It has been my observation that one of the prices of giving people freedom of choice is that sometimes they make the wrong choice."​ - Odo, DS9 s3e24.

------------​------------​------------​------------​------------​------------​--------

Tracy Jordan: The Black Crusaders are a secret group of powerful Black Americans. Bill Cosby and Oprah Winfrey are the chief majors, but Jesse Jackson, Colin Powell and Gordon from Sesame Street, they're members, too, and they meet four times a year in the skull of the Statue of Liberty. You can read about that on the Interweb.
Liz Lemon: Ah, well, it must be true if it's on the "Interweb."​

"The child passes little by little from the unconscious to the conscious, treading always in the paths of joy and love." - Maria Montessori.

​(Everything,​ everywhere is simply...per​fect)​