I’ve been meeting strangers online for 10 years now, introducing myself in countless ways, yet I still don’t know the best one.

When I just list facts about myself, like:

- brutally honest
- not spiritual
- passionate about learning
- love sciences
- not interested in parties and drugs

people assume I’m a nerd, an academic, a rule follower, a shy introvert afraid of taking risks with a low emotional quotient, which I’m not. I’m actually an underachiever who enjoys life without caring about what I’m “supposed” to do. I used to think my head and heart weren’t in sync, like most intellectuals who ignore their emotions for being irrational. But I’ve made peace with both; they no longer compete. I value my emotions deeply because, in the end, they have the last word, and there’s nothing rational about ignoring that truth.

Another decade-long passion of mine is journaling. Writing is the best thing that ever happened to me. Before I started, it felt like I was just a zombie reacting to life, but writing gave me control. I stopped being this zombie and started exploring the world and people instead of feeling like life was just a TV screen where all I had was a remote. Now, I’m at the keyboard, reprogramming my own software. That being said, the analogy isn’t perfect and I don’t have nearly as much control of my mind as a programmer does. As I said, emotions have the last word, my consciousness only guides what I do with them, my intuitions.

One trait I’ve underestimated in myself is creativity, which probably got me to where I am now. Programming, both the mind and computers, actually requires creativity: when the possibilities are endless, you need it to avoid getting lost in the madness.
I create art occasionally, but my true artistic process happens in my mind, in the way I shape my thoughts, which is difficult to express with words or paintbrushes.

Here are a few other points about me:

- I'm amoral:
I don’t like living through rigid principles, so I don’t really have any values, and my ethics are flexible (but that doesn’t mean I don’t have empathy or that I’m indifferent to hurting others, I actually care a lot about the people I love).

- I'm a woman. I set my gender to male to avoid spam.

- I'm apolitical:
I often feel more like an observer than a participant in life, so naturally, I don’t like picking sides. All sides are interesting to me. I don’t feel the need to judge or decide who’s right. I live in my own bubble where I only know what’s right for me. I’m not interested in finding some “ideal” version everyone should aim for because I can’t imagine fitting into such a model, nor can I picture one for others. I love diversity and trying to understand others who are drastically different from what I know. This process of discovery is my favourite thing in life.
Any paradigm, discipline, or political movement feels like a prison for my thoughts, restricting the exploration. Because of this, I choose not to admire or adhere to any of it (I’ve never had a role model or a famous person I wanted to emulate).

I don’t think the world is broken, and I don’t think it needs to be saved. I accept that cruelty exists, that what people call evil is part of human nature. I think life is beautiful as it is, and it’s a lot of fun to understand how it works, in all its nuances.

I’m always looking for people who relate, who see themselves in what I write.
But realistically, I’m mostly looking for those who are simply curious, who want to get to know another human being like I do. Or who simply want to share ideas in a meaningful way.

I’ve learned so much from my relationships, especially with people I initially didn’t understand, people who seemed so different from what I knew. That’s been incredibly valuable, and I miss that feeling.

Here are a few sentences describing what I like to do with specific keywords that might help people find me:

- When people question things deeply, it can lead them to Weltschmerz, but it leads to euphoria for me. I love destroying our intuitive notions and replacing them with something more conscious.

- I love developing a method to fill the gap between the bottom-up approach of sciences to the top-down of humanities.

- My idiosyncratic way of thinking leads to a lot of concepts for which I had to invent names because I couldn't find existing ones, making this keyword search quite challenging...

- I like camping in nature alone to be productive in my writings and put some order in my thoughts, I find comfort in these temporary social isolation

Other keywords:

Logic, logical, building blocks, primitive notion, set theory, Venn diagram, Gauss curve, probabilities, luck, schizoid, consciousness, efficiency, wilderness, experiment.

Facetious, serendipity.

"Humans discuss ideas; humans discuss events; humans discuss people."
- Nobody

But if you are into pseudo-intellectual snobbery, you can replace "humans" by an insult in some parts of the quote, and that will probably turn into something a lot of people would say.

"Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of success."
- Nobody

"If you can't explain it simply, it could be that you've surpassed your initial gut feelings."
- Nobody